Clipped Hair, Best Hair
by Stratagem
Summary: Levi and Hanji's son decides to give himself a haircut so he'll have hair just like Levi's. It does not go well.


Disclaimer: I don't own Attack on Titan! :D

A/N: Remy is 4, Ava hasn't been born yet, and Hanji is terribly amused while Levi is only partly amused. Also, I think this is the first time I've written a fic where Hanji is pregnant. It was fun! ^_^

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 **Clipped Hair = Best Hair**

"It's quiet."

"You like quiet."

"But it's _too_ quiet."

Oh, well, now that was true. Hanji looked up from cutting potatoes, wiping the knife on a nearby cloth. Remy wasn't an especially loud child, he was actually pretty low-key unless he was angry, but there was a certain level of silence that meant trouble.

This was that certain level.

She and Levi had been making dinner, which meant Levi was doing most of the work while she did a few simple things. They had decided years ago that the meals usually had a better chance of not burning/melting/exploding if she only helped out with the minor stuff. Levi actually liked cooking anyways. When they had started cooking, Remy had been sitting in the living room playing with some toys, but when she peeked in there, he was gone.

"Remy!" she yelled, walking into the empty living room. "Where are you, outstanding offspring?"

"I didn't mean for you to be loud instead."

Ignoring Levi, she checked behind the couch and the chairs and beneath the table, but he wasn't hiding anywhere. Great. The study door was locked, so he couldn't be in there, and a quick check of the closets and the guest room was fruitless.

Hanji headed upstairs, guessing that Remy had retreated into his room. That or he was coloring on the walls or trying to climb out onto the roof or otherwise being a tiny miscreant. He was still in the stage where whenever someone told him 'no' he decided to test if they really, truly meant 'no'. She liked his spirit and his stubbornness, but she sort of hoped the little bundle of crazy that she was currently carrying was less hardheaded.

That was probably a very pointless hope.

"Remy, it'd probably be a good idea for you to answer me now," she said as she stepped onto the second floor of the house. Do not be out on the roof, do not be on the roof. The window was closed in his empty room, and the room that was going to be the new baby's bedroom was devoid of black-haired hellion children as well. She stood in the middle of the hallway, mildly concerned. This was a serious level of quiet, probably in the 'dangerously silent' range. "I'm close to using your full name, so you better come out."

"I don't want to." His voice came from behind the closed door to Hanji and Levi's bedroom.

"Why not?" She walked over and tapped on the door. "I'm only a little annoyed that you didn't answer me, so you're not in a lot of trouble or anything yet. It's minimum trouble. Okay?"

"I really wanna stay in here."

"Well, dinner is going to be ready soon, and you can't eat in there. It's not even your room," she said, tapping on the door again. "So you sort of have to come out."

"You're gonna laugh."

Huh, that was a little unexpected. Most of the time, Remy's antics were more migraine-inducing than laugh-inspiring. "I'll try to not laugh. How's that?"

"You have to promise."

"Come on, kiddo, you're sort of testing the limit already," she said, reaching for the handle, "I said I'd try."

The door opened a smidge to show a half of Remy. Hazel eyes looked up at her with a strange mixture of challenge and worry, but the odd thing was that he was wearing one of her scarves over his head. It was tied underneath his chin like he was a little old lady. She forced herself to not even crack a smile, knowing he would take that as a laugh.

"So. What's with the scarf?"

"Nothing," he said, scurrying out into the hall, his hands clamped to the top of his head. Yeah, right, like she was going to believe that. She immediately reached for the scarf, which made Remy yelp and pull away. "No, no, Mama! Stop!"

"What're you trying to hide?" she asked, not yet giving up the struggle for the scarf, especially because of the fight he was putting up.

"Lemme wear it, I like it!"

"No, you don't, you hate scarves!"

"Mama!"

"Remy! Let go!"

"No! It's mine now!"

"What's going on up there?" Levi's aggravated voice carried all the way from the kitchen. "Go back to making less noise!"

Remy took immediate advantage of the distraction and yanked on the scarf, pulling it tighter around his head. He shot off down the stairs at a quick run for a four-year-old. Hanji let out a frustrated noise and followed after him at a slower pace since running down stairs wasn't the best idea when one was six months pregnant. Freaky speedy child, he got that from his dad.

"Catch your son!" she shouted, tag-teaming Levi.

By the time she got to the living room, Levi had Remy securely under one arm. The four-year-old had gone into a petulantly limp state except for his hands which were still holding tight to the scarf.

"Why is he wearing a scarf?" Levi asked.

"No idea, but he's very attached to it," she said, sitting down on the couch.

"I just wanna wear it," Remy muttered.

"Right." Levi put him down on the couch next to Hanji and held out an expectant hand.

Remy stared and then immediately turned and hid his face in Hanji's shoulder. Ah, yes, like she was going to protect him after having to chase him all over the house. She gently pushed him back, giving him a quick smile.

"Just hand it over."

"No laughing," he whispered, and then pulled off the scarf, shoving it into Levi's hand.

Levi's eyes widened. "What…"

"Nooo, oh, just, nooo." Hanji didn't know whether she should burst out laughing or start crying. Probably both.

Both would be acceptable.

Remy's thick, fantastic, shiny black hair looked like it had been decimated by a rabid, vengeful, animated razor blade. A dull one. It had been such a nice shaggy mess, and now it was chopped short in the back and on the sides. The top was all different lengths and slanted to the right, as if he had made a couple quick clips in the wrong place and tried to fix it. Which was probably exactly what had happened.

"Where did you even get scissors from?" Levi asked. He reached out and brushed his hand over Remy's hair multiple times, as if he couldn't quite believe it looked as terrible as it did.

"Your room," he said, not even bothering to push Levi's hand away.

"You're not supposed to play with scissors," Hanji said before pulling Remy into her lap and hugging him tight, "I can't believe you did this! Your hair, your handsome hair, what were you thinking—"

"It'll grow back," Levi said, shaking his head, "Don't get all emotional over it." He was hypersensitive to her hormonal pregnancy mood swings lately, probably because he got the brunt of it when she was feeling particularly wrathful or weepy or excited.

"But it was so nice, he had such great hair, and now—"

"It'll be back the way it was in a few months," Levi said calmly, "I'll fix it tomorrow so that it's short all over. So calm down."

"I am calm," she growled as she put her nose against the ragged remains of her son's previously pretty head of hair.

"Hanji."

"I am!"

"Fine." Levi glanced down at Remy. "Why did you cut it, anyways?"

He frowned at Levi, a blush growing on his face. "I liked your hair better. So I cutted it."

Levi stared. "Oh."

Now Hanji did let out an emotional sniff. "That's so cute."

"Don't start that—"

She squeezed Remy again. "I can't help it, it's adorable, we have a priceless child who wanted terrible hair just like yours, oh, he's just so precious, I can't believe he's our kid sometimes."

"My hair isn't terrible!"

But Remy's certainly was.


End file.
